The Lupercalia Daily Post
DENVER, CO — Rumors of insolvency caused a run on Newton County Bank yesterday. Lines of men and women attempting to cash checks stretched all the way to Willow Street. The heat beat down on the clients as they waited patiently in line. In was a sunny day and a cool glass of lemonade in the shade would be ideal. A porch fan and a rocking chair would be a nice pleasure. I looked at all the people in line and wondered how many of the were wearing wigs. There’s Mrs. Adams, at least 65 years old with a beautiful stylish bouffant hairstyle that could in no way her natural hair. I whispered to my wife, “What do you think?” She laughed and said she had seen that exact color and style on an online wig store just last week. “It’s made by Revlon,” she whispered back. “Really!” I replied. “So how many other ladies standing in line have stylish Revlon wigs adorning their heads?” She laughed and told me she saw two other town folks sporting Revlon wigs. “How do you know?” My wife laughed even louder. “What do you think I’m wearing?” she replied. “I love Revlon wigs. Revlon wigs are happen to be made from the finest synthetic fiber material that is so natural looking most folks just think you have healthy, lustrous hair. With the styling designed into the memory of all Revlon wigs fibers, I can have a dozen of different looks at my finger tips. All I do is shake out my wig, or sometimes quickly style with my wide-toothed comb or fingertips, if I’m in a real hurry and I’m ready to go!” I couldn’t believe my ears. “You mean to tell me all these years you have been wearing Revlon wigs?” I blustered totally flabbergasted. “Yup” was the answer. Thinking back on it, I do realize my wife did seem to appear in an awfully lot of different hairstyles. I had assumed she spent most of her time at the hair salon. Well, you learn something new every day, I guess. I think I might look into a hairpiece for myself. I probably won’t wear it in the summer. It would be just too hot. But hey, in the fall, winter, and spring I could. I wonder if the Revlon wig manufacturer makes men’s hairpieces. I guess I better get online and do a google search or something.
Returning to the long line at the bank. The bank paid out over $100,000 before closing its doors. I think the majority of the town was able to at least cash their checks. Fortunately for me and my wife we use a different bank